Monday, May 21, 2007

Bitch list

The top ten things that bother me...

In no particular order( I numbered them for my benefit ):

10.BOZO the clown. Yes BOZO freaks me out to no end. The Los Angeles BOZO whose human name is Larry Harmon. He is a child eating monster in a urine soaked taffeta costume. His house must smell of bubblegum, feces and death.

9.Lindsey Lohan- I cant stand her cock-suck-for-a-bump bitchface. How dare she think she is anything aside from annoying. Her mom too. I hate her mom. Dried up old whore.

8.The Scissor Sisters. If "annoying queer" had a specific sound that would be it.
Fuckin' no brainer 70's rehash synthpop suck disco. The Will and Grace of the musical world. Please go away. I'm still trying to pick the Erasure out of my ears and that was over a decade ago.

7.Rosie O'Donnell - She is just plain goofy. She is not a role model. She is not the lesser version of Oprah. She is a stand up comic that cant get a stand up gig. WAKE UP she is nothing special. If she focused on writing comedy and not trying to perform it OR pull her "I care for the world and it needs me to speak for it" bullshit maybe she'd be tolerable.

6.Every single person who watches AMERICAN IDOL. Your brain is being softened. Pick up a book.

5.FOX "News" Thanks to them I can't remember a time when REPORTER was an honorable profession. Anchor person is now the lowest job you could possibly have aside from President.

4.People who basically say there goodbyes to you the moment you tell them you have HIV. Fuck you Mr or Ms Turn Tail.
Try it next time someone sneezes. Just start crying and blubbering because you know that sneeze is going to eventually kill them. That's what people do. Its that silly. Might as well say goodbye! Fuck I don't need that type of person in my life anyway and besides I know there is something karmic in store for them.

3.People who never saw Jaws. What is wrong with you people? Its a shark and it eats people. Its cool.

2.People who can't watch a black and white film. ADD Retards. They happen to be the same people who watch American Idol so I get to hate them twice.

1.The Simpsons. I laugh at them now and remember how I really used to laugh back then.
Of course I used to laugh at Happy Days at one point in my life so... The Simpsons may never have been funny.


Luke said...

Can find ten stories for ten terrible things? Let's try.

10. My brother spent a day with Larry Harmon, transferring video footage. Andy said he was a really nice guy. Did you know that Bozo is a regional act, that there are Bozos around the world?

9. ...but she's number 1 on Maxim's Hot 100. She MUST be hot!

8. When Katherine and I first got back together, we used a Scissor Sisters concert at the Wiltern as an excuse for her to come down from SF. When we got to the WIltern, we sold the tickets and went out to dinner instead.

7. She's decent as a character actor, a long as the character is "the annoying and loud person who occasionally makes a clever sarcastic remark." Or as a retarded person.

6. I only watched when the Sanjaya thing got so big, and I only watched the part when they gave out the numbers to call. I wish he'd won.

5. That's why I get all my news from The Daily Show and The Colbert Report.

4. Hey, I disappeared WAAAAAY before I knew about that.

3. Well, it's no "Piranha II: Flying Killers."

2. Why should I watch broken films when Ted Turner can fix them for me?

1. The Simpsons gradually gave up on storytelling, especially storytelling about family interaction, and became a collection of oddballs. You can't make a decent goofy story if no one represents baseline normal. Watch the early episodes, and you'll see things that would never appear now, like a reasonable Homer.

Joesmokabo said...

I just have to ask.
There is a band called the Scissor Sisters?

As far as American Idol goes. I just wish that the DJs on the only two Oldies stations that I get on the radio would shut the hell up about it while I'm on my way to work.

Jaws is a classic.

Gavin Elster said...

yes luke I know all about bozo. Larry was not the original either but he was the one to syndicate it. He was a smart clown. He now claims he is the creator of Bozo. I'm met him. I'm sure he's a nice guy. He has to be nice so you'll get nice and close before he rips off your face and eats it.

Gavin Elster said...

Welcome! yes They are a band. A crappy disco band.

As for suffering thru Idol chatter in the AM It will soon be over.

Luke said...

how can you call them a crappy disco band? Their cover of Pink Floyd's "Comfortably Numb" is... well... okay, they suck.

WAT said...


Yeah, "Jaws" continues to be one of my fav movies ever. Quint is the man!

As for THE SIMPSONS, yeah this show is a bit old now, and I believe THE FAMILY GUY is by far now funnier and more creative.

EmmaPeel007 said...

Yeah, you know what's #1 on my bitch list? When you see your friend out in a very public, social situation and they are with a collegue that you've heard about for ages, and yet they don't introduce you.

I know its because you're ashamed of me...

Gavin Elster said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Joesmokabo said...

Comfortably Numb? Huh? That's the song on my myspace page.
I hope it doesn't sound as bad as Black Sabbath's Sabbath, Bloody Sabbath by The Cardigans.

Gavin Elster said...

It's worse. Much worse.