Saturday, June 30, 2007

You can't skimp when it comes to your children.

The best offense is a good defense.
Just say "NOT SO MANY" to Twinkies.

Twinkies can cause 4 year old kids to sound like they have been smoking 2 packs a day, as is the case here with little Adam Rich.
Every word out of this "MOMS" mouth I want to return with a closed fist. Everything about her makes the impending sugar coma oh so welcome. It is like a republican Jesus crawled into her ear and has to chew through to get out the other side. Of course it had to lay eggs on its journey. Stiff, pious republcunt. You know... The type that would wear a blouse that matches the wallpaper in the breakfast nook. Oh and not skimping on the kids means giving them chemical confections that will kill them over time. Why not just strap on a sugar feedbag you mindless passive aggressive bitch.Oh and she never really answers her husbands question but deflects it with a chat about Twinkies. She is a monster.

This next one clearly shows that Hostess is the snack of choice for BITCHY MOMS. What a control freak. She barks commands and teaches her children that food will only be supplied when she says so and not by anyone else's command. It's like these children were nothing but a pack of sugar-hungry animals that need to be beat on the nose with a rolled newspaper. Check out her squirrely yet self aware body language that seems to be saying "I beat them and then cry for hours about my insatiable need to beat them."
Be sure to catch the final tableau as she strikes her all powerful Jesus provider pose. Her giving arms outstretched surrounding the flock. The Jesus moment is really driven home in the final shot as the entire picnic takes on a dreamlike "last supper" quality.
Bitch bitch bitch. For those of you not paying close attention those words were Creamed and Chocolaty. Not Cream. Not Chocolate. A sly trick that seemed to work in the 70's. Now, if this were a current commercial, I would demand they use the words CREAMISH and BROWN.
Speaking of Brown get a load of that show promo at the end. God I forgot about that show!

The final one is a classic. Again there is that word CREAMED. How stupid were we? CREAMED? That could have been anything in there. CREAMED CORN FILLING. Creamed chicken puss. Anything! This is how not to do a commercial. Name a few random things and add Hostess at the end and you've got America. I recall actually yelling random things at the TV screen when this commercial came on.
Lightbulb! Toothpaste! Chickenbutt and Hostess. You get the idea.


Luke said...

I once saw "chocolate colored flavored donuts."

Gavin Elster said...


LadrĂ³n de Basura (a.k.a. Junk Thief) said...

Why no boys doing dress up in the Hostess commercial? Reminds me of the neighbor boy Bruce who used to come over and would dress up like Pebbles Flinstone and made me put on a loin cloth and be Bam Bam.