Monday, June 11, 2007

Finding Nemo Submarines Now Open

The Submarine lagoon had been a trash-filled bog for over a decade. Finally Disney restarts the ride with new effects.
Quick thinkin' Disney!
The “Submarine Voyage” ride reopened Today at Disneyland, it has a new story line, shiny new coral reefs and something not envisioned when it debuted in 1959 — an alternate experience for disabled visitors.
The “Imagineers” at The Walt Disney Co. couldn’t retrofit the hatches and spiral staircases of the original 52-foot submarines to accommodate wheelchairs. They tested handicapped access a few years ago and found that handicapped people don't need to be on this ride as they are not as important as people with working legs.
So, instead of making the ride enjoyable by all they did the next best thing. (or so they say) The undersea voyage has been photographed with state-of-the-art equipment, and the high-definition images will be displayed on a 61-inch plasma screen in a theater designed to resemble an observation outpost. Whats the next best thing to paying over a hundred dollars to wait in line two hours to sit in a sealed fart-tube with screaming kids and cheese eaters???? Well ... paying over a hundred dollars to wait two hours in line to watch strangers ride the submarine.
The viewing site is also intended to accommodate people who are claustrophobic.(cough- bullshit)
New attractions must comply with the Americans with Disabilities Act, but as the Nemo subs are a rehab of an older ride, Disney wasn’t forced into these accommodations. Wow. It took a decade for them to figure out how to screw those damn wheeled people out of a ride! Kudos to the Disney legal team for figuring out rehab'in a ride gets you out of making sure everyone can share the magic. I cant wait to see how Jack Sparrows Treehouse turns out. I hope there is a fuckin slideshow at the base of the tree so my wheeled, and semi wheeled (butterhorn) friends can see how much fun people with working legs can have in an attraction they cannot go on. So this is how its going to be. This is the future of Disneyland. RETROFIT and old ride so you don't have to pay for an annoying Disabled Persons upgrade. I hope to God the exclusion of disabled access to this attraction opens the floodgates, and lawyers drain the lagoon once again. What constitutes a retrofit? How much of the original attraction needs to be there for it to be considered and upgrade? Cant the entire park be considered an attraction and therefore any additions to the park is considered a rehab? This is Disney bullshit at it's best. The good thing is the 4 person capacity handicapped viewing room room provides Disneyfiles a new place to get drunk in peace with ye olde smuggled rum drinks!

1 comment:

WAT said...

I be seeing the billboards for this all over the city.