I now work very odd hours. Because of my sad work schedule I seem to get sleep whenever I can. I just awoke from a nice 2 hour catnap and will start getting ready for work shortly. I just wanted to tell you about my Christmas dream I just had. It has nothing to do with Christmas it just happened to be the dream I had today. I was somehow simultaneously on and watching a psychic detective show. It was on HBO and it was like a hardcore porn with a story arc. Here is the plot as it was told to me in some very expositional dialog. Ya see, this guy, the lead guy in this show, is paid to be a hooker by the government. He is paid to sleep with the troops in war torn countries in order to keep the troops for sleeping with the enemy. (Cute huh) The only problem is that he can sense where violent crimes have happened he seems to be able to relive them if he in in the area the crime or event happened. So he is a hooker in the ARMY and is also part of a secret government psychic crime solving division. Since he is part of the troops he actually sleeps in the barracks and is ordered by his commanding officer to switch bunks. The problem is the bunk he is asked to sleep in is the bunk of a soldier who is missing and presumed dead. That soldier is not dead but is a violent killer on a spree. He cant even get close to the bed without seeing this soldiers past and current crimes flash in his head. (Great remember this is my dream and I got to see all those horrible things. Something is wrong with me.) After that violent montage I'm now just watching this show in a one bedroom apartment clearly not in California. The phone rings and it is Lisa Simpson calling to wish me a Merry Christmas. Yes a cartoon called me. She asked if I wanted to come over and see the family's Christmas finger paintings that they all did this year. I told he I'd love too and asked if they were still painting as I would love to do one with them.
No They had finished.
The I asked her "I know this is a question you probably cant answer but... I was watching "Extras" last night, you know, the Christmas Special, was that you as the second hooker with Clive Owen?"
"Yeah, I cant really answer that but I'd never do a show unless it was guaranteed funny."
We both laughed as we knew that wasn't true. I look over at the TV and in front of it, instead of a couch, is the soldiers murder mattress.
Then I woke up.