Friday, August 31, 2007


king kukulele, originally uploaded by scottyferguson.

It's a tiki weekend. I wish you all a safe weekend.

See ya Tuesday.

Bea Arthur gets a makeover.

georgina, originally uploaded by BehindDarkEyes.

Bea's best Headshot to date.

"A hot dog makes her lose control..."

Get yours today

Snowball used to mean something else.

Thursday, August 30, 2007

The Lawgiver

Beware the beast Man, for he is the Devil's pawn. Alone among God's primates, he kills for sport or lust or greed. Yea, he will murder his brother to possess his brother's land. Let him not breed in great numbers, for he will make a desert of his home and yours. Shun him; drive him back into his jungle lair, for he is the harbinger of death.

At the coffee cart Zira waits for her Mocha Latte'

Hello Larry

Love starts in the ass.

Cornelius waits for Zira outside the restroom

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

AT&T announced they will stop time a few weeks from today.

Spring Ahead. Fall Back.
She was my first call every daylight savings day. AT&T has announced it will pull the plug on the time lady.
Effective September 2007, Time of Day information service will be discontinued." L.A. times

Over the years I have always wondered where this voice came from. I picture a giant room-sized UNIVAC computer in a dark single bulb lit room. Its tubes glowing dimly behind colander vents.
She was the one truth in a world of lies. You could call her and get the right answer every time. In the 70's I would call her and marvel at the mysterious voices you could here in between her voice. Faint voices talking underneath her hypnotic message. A party-line that would reveal a word or two of an anonymous conversation. Alone on new years eve I have called her to hear her voice tell me when the moment the year has died and reincarnated. Honestly this is sad news for me. Yet another constant in the universe has gone.
One of the women who provided the voice of the time lady in Southern California passed away on July 18th 2003. Her name was Jane Barbe. To see what she really looked like and to read about the voice heard 'round the world Click Here
Jane was replaced by Joanne Daniels.

Joanne Daniels, the woman whose familiar voice for the last 25 years read the exact time every ten seconds and then urged us to “please make a note of it,” said the initial recording sessions were quite lengthy.

“I had to record every single possibility with different inflections,” she said.

Daniels’ voice also delivered the temperature in some states, and even a wake up service offered in Manhattan. Before retiring, she also worked as an actress and voice-over artist.

To listen to an interview with Joanne Click Here

Good-bye my robot friend.
I will miss that ageless voice.

perpetuating stereo-types

Uh oh.

Someone called ABC out on their new series claiming the "Cavemen" insurance commercial inspired series is the modern equivalent of blackface.
The went so far as to alter these clips to drive the point home.

This is going to be a good fight. ABC (and its parent company DISNEY) is not going to like this one bit.

Honestly even without the alteration it looks like trouble.
for example:

Then again disney has had to deal with suppression of stereo-types before before Hidden deep away in the vault

The things that stay with you.

This is just like going through a list of all the babysitters I had as a kid.
The Metromedia logo is the same one we had here in L.A.

Gosh I miss that logo. That logo babysat me the most.

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Tiki 101

Orgeat Syrup

Many classic drinks use orgeat syrup as a component of the drink. It is most famous for contributing to the original Mai Tai but it can be found in many other classics including the Scorpion, Japanese cocktail and the traditional French drink called the Momisette. Orgeat, sometimes called "French Orgeat", is simply a sweetened almond syrup with a little orange flower water. The origins of this syrup are quite interesting and the taste and versatility in drinks is impressive. However, finding orgeat can be hard in some locals, and finding a bar that stocks it, may be even harder. If you can find it, buy a bottle, you won’t be disappointed.

Orgeat (pronounced “or-zat”) is the French form of the word which originated from the Italian word orzata which means almond. The Spanish word Horchata or orxata has a similar origin. This syrup is basically an oil water emulsion of the oils in the almond. This makes it very similar to milk. Prior to using almonds, these emulsions were made with barley.

Note: an emulsion is simply a mixture of two unblendable substances. Basically, the two substances are separated, but because they form very small droplets, they do not easily separate out, so instead of forming layers, they form a cloudy liquid. Milk, butter, hollandaise and mayonnaise are all emulsions.

Prior to refrigeration, people could not store milk because it would spoil very quickly. The only people who may have drank milk would have been farmers, but for the most part milk was turned into cheese, because it could be stored for a long time and sold as a commodity. Now if you pulled milk and butter out of your recipe book, there wouldn’t be much left to cook, especially breads and pastries. The solution hundreds of years ago was to use a stable oil water emulsion made from barley and eventually almonds.

The oils in barley and almond are relatively stable at room temperature, and higher temperatures, so they don’t spoil very quickly. This makes them perfect for a milk like substitute. In the old days, a persons kitchen would contain a store of barely or almonds, depending on the climate, and when you needed a source of fat, you would use these. As time progressed and food became more of an art, the use of water/oil emulsions increased.

The basic process was to take a quantity of almonds and crush them up in a mortar, while adding water. This would extract the oils in the almonds and emulsify it with the water. After, letting the mush sit for a while it was filtered through muslin cloth and the resulting cloudy liquid was used in place of milk. It could even be whipped or churned to make a butter like substance. Plus, it didn’t go rancid and there was no need for refrigeration.

As time progressed and modern amenities arrived, like fridges and fast transportation, the use of almond milk diminished. However, a cordial was made using the same process, but sugar and some flavouring (orange flower water) was added and hence forth it was known as orgeat. It is obviously used in cocktails, but also in coffees, fruit drinks like lemonade and food and desserts.

And now I present my own personal take on a Tiki favorite


1 oz Cream of Coconut (available at most grocery stores in the mixer section)
2 oz Fresh Pineapple Juice (not Dole or canned juice use the REAL stuff)
1/2 oz Orgeat Syrup (There is a nice version made by Trader Vic's. Look for it at your specialty booze hut)
1/4 oz Cointreau
1 1/2 oz Vodka
A dash of sweetend lime juice
A few drops of Angostura Bitters (you can find this at any booze vendor)

Shake well
Pour over crushed ice in your favorite Tiki mug and add a nice hunk o' Pineapple.
The Orgeat smooths out the acidity of the Pineapple combined with the Cream of Coconut makes for a smooth creamy sweet tropical drink. You'll want to jump inside your own mouth to join in the fun that your taste buds are having.

There ya go. My gift to the world.

Boring pictures? Just add Sleestak.

What a bargain

The eclipse

The first picture was a normal just a normal snap.
As the moon became a sliver my camera started to freak out and not know what to focus on.
I had to turn up the gain to get anything as the moon was too dark for the damn autocamerasmartrobotchippything to understand I wanted a picture of this dark object.

I tried to get pictures of the eclipse last night. My camera just doesnt have the guts. It was clear last night and got a great view from the back yard. The moon went from silver to red fairly fast. I've seen several lunar eclipseseses but never one this dramatic. The color was quite unusual. A murky almost bloody color.

Monday, August 27, 2007

Presenting the end of motion pictures.

Twentieth Century Fox has set Keanu Reeves to star in "The Day the Earth Stood Still," its re-imagining of the 1951 Robert Wise-directed sci-fi classic.
Reeves committed over the weekend to play Klaatu, a humanoid alien who arrives on Earth accompanied by an indestructible, heavily armed robot and a warning to world leaders that their continued aggression will lead to annihilation by species watching from afar.

Its the end of filmed entertainment as we know it. The Robert Wise classic cautionary tale is now going to be fucked up by 30-something suits who "Think" they are actually making a film that people will want to see. After all thats what the numbers say.
Between sipping your Boba through your fat straws and your Coffebean & Tealeaf coffee slurpiees you may want to watch the original film. Make sure you have a friend with you to explain the plot. Oh and the original is in black and white so you may want to keep your iphone on cause its gonna get boring. Fox is run by spreadsheets shuffled by pompus fuckwads that think they are in the entertainment business. Ok Keanu Reeves looks good on paper but when was the last time he actually delivered a good performance. NEVER!

Fuck you Fox for distroying this film and tarnishing the original.

Klaatu Barrada FUCK YOU!

Talent plus!

Yeah she was a genius. Watch this genius at work.

That little baby has to be retarded.
ANS was a drug addicted talentless titbag. She was not the victim she was an idiot and we are the victims.

"I'm heading least bound uh eating your hairpiece."

Being human isn't quite good enough.

Fuck you United States! You suck! Chicago sucks most of all!

Read this :

Attorneys for a gay man who alleges Chicago police beat him in Uptown in March 2006 said Aug. 17 they plan to contest the City of Chicago’s motion that the man’s lawsuit be dismissed because gays aren’t entitled to equal protection under the U.S. Constitution.

Alexander Ruppert sued the City and two Chicago police officers after his arrest March 5, 2006. Ruppert alleges that after he was escorted out of the Uptown Lounge, on West Lawrence near Broadway, the two police officers got angry when he used his cell phone in the back seat of their police car as he was being driven to the 20th District police station.

According to Ruppert, the police officers stopped the car, pulled him out of the back seat and began beating him.

“They pulled me out of the car by my hair,” Ruppert says. “They were saying, ‘What the fuck are you doing, faggot?’ and calling me ‘Princess motherfucker.’ They said, ‘Get off the fucking phone, faggot.’”

Ruppert said he was hurt badly during the beating.

“I was bleeding pretty bad,” Ruppert says. “They threw me back into the car. I said, ‘I need medical treatment. I’ve got HIV and I’m bleeding all over the back of your car.’”

He said one of the officers then called an ambulance that took Ruppert to Weiss Memorial Hospital, where he received 16 stitches for a wound under his eye.

The police denied any wrongdoing.

But the City’s attorneys, in a motion filed in U.S. District Court, argue that Ruppert can’t claim that he was denied equal protection under the law, as he is doing, because gays aren’t covered under the Constitution’s equal protection clause.

“When we filed the equal protection count, we knew the federal government was behind the curve in recognizing that the equal protection clause should cover sexual orientation,” said attorney Michael Oppenheimer. “We expected more from the City of Chicago. The City’s position is an affront to all residents of this fine city.”

Oppenheimer’s partner, Jon Erickson, said the City’s position surprised him, given the ongoing effort to bring the 2016 Olympics to Chicago.

“The international community is far ahead in recognizing the equal rights of the gay community,” Erickson said. “To deny gay people equal protection under the law will not play well internationally.”

In court Aug. 21, Ruppert’s attorneys asked for and received an extension to argue against the City’s motion to dismiss the equal protection complaint. Judge Rebecca Pallmeyer granted the extension; both sides return to court Sept. 11.

Yeah well I don't need your stinkin pity.

This monkey is sorry to tell you that your position here is being disolved and your clients are going to be parsed out to your co-workers. You are no longer needed. You are a great guy and He knows you'll land on your feet.

He'll steal your desk supplies the moment you step out the door.

Rule # 1

Never purchase a cellphone from a monkey. It may have parasites and a two year minimum contract.

This monkey will kill you with his mind.

People are hard to control with monkey mindpowers. Bulls are pretty easy to control thus they will be your undoing.

We have a Winner!!!!

Lil' Jake G. "I found the locker room."

Jakes superpower is the ability to smell men through solid walls. He can still do it to this day but his publicist has ordered him to stop bragging about it.

drinking problem

This monkey just drank your shampoo and replaced it with monkey urine and ranch dressing.
Mostly monkey urine.

Use a carseat.

This is your neighbors daughter. Don't say anything. She hasn't noticed the switch.


This monkey is waiting for you to leave for work. He has a checklist of issues.

Caleb? Caleb wake up sweetie its time fo... oh... my... god.

This monkey just ate your baby's face and stole his clothes. You better love him.

Sunday, August 26, 2007

Waiting for you

They are here to make you happy.

Bring back hippyspeak!

That damn General Foods International Coffee commercial

Hows your phone?

Some clowns are not able to be funny.

Those clowns work with the babies.

Laugh dying boy laugh! You laugh too little dying girl.

Clowns always use the "A-list" comedy when smallpox is in town.

Grey Gardens

Click the title of this post to read all about the Beales.

Where is this "Oddjob" movie?

They fit your "LIFE" now.

Hey Brad... wacha doin'?

Oh just catching up on my pal Corey Haim while relaxing on the set of my hit series Dallas that all.

Hows she holdin' up?

Haven't heard from her in a while.

The nice post

Now go fuck yourself.

Clown Magic

Even dying kids jump to life when a clown is around!

Saturday, August 25, 2007


I just hope its not dog shit with a couple of sparklers stuck in it like the first AVP

Friday, August 24, 2007

Nothing says "sexy" like Stretchy-seat underpants.

Honestly this is one gay vintage ad.

So its a musical?

A comedy writer is suing The Walt Disney Co., alleging he came up with the idea for the teen television show "Hannah Montana" but was never compensated.
Buddy Sheffield filed the lawsuit in Los Angeles Superior Court on Thursday alleging breach of contract, breach of confidence, unfair competition and unjust enrichment.

Disney officials could not be reached at the company's Burbank offices Thursday evening for comment.

Sheffield, who has written for "The Smothers Brothers Show," "The Dolly Parton Show" and "In Living Color," says he pitched an idea for a television series called "Rock and Roland" to the Disney Channel in 2001.

The story was about a junior high school student who lived a secret double life as a rock star, according to the lawsuit.

Disney Channel officials at first liked the idea, but ultimately passed on it, the lawsuit alleges.

The Disney Channel's "Hannah Montana" is about high school student Miley Stewart, who lives a secret double life as a famous pop star.

"Hannah Montana," starring Miley Cyrus and her father, country singer Billy Ray Cyrus, has generated two hit music CDs and helped sell a great deal of merchandise. Sheffield says he deserves a share of the revenue.

Bette Davis

The doll she gives Williams is huge. Boy would I love to have that prop.

The closing number is a stunner. I had always thought that music was stock music in the film. MY GOD ITS GOT LYRICS!

Gloria Swanson Sunset Blvd.- The Musical (for real!)

Chita Rivera, Caterin Valente & Carol Burnett as "The Morticia Sisters."

Yes that is Boris Karloff.

Worst television fight ever.

Watching this clip I got so bored that my mind started to drift. I've come to the following conclusion:

If I had to fuck either The Gorn or Kirk I'm pretty sure I'd choose The Gorn.
Kirk just seems like a sloppy fuck.

Go figure.

Yeah mac we got em... in the back on the lower shelf. Go through the beaded curtain.

I'm pretty sure this was posted on youtube as a fetish clip.
The only description is "Marlo Thomas inflates balloons."
I think this is a balloonaphillia clip!

Oh my God it is!!!!
I just found the guys website.HarleyStone

Click on the title of this post to see more sexy clips of women blowing up balloons!

Wow the fetish of the day: "Blowing!"
I don't get it but I respect his passion!

The season I was born

Sears loves them there funny hippies

Sears internal training film entitled "FREEZE-IN."
Its interesting to see how much internal retail training film content has NOT changed over the years. This is the same bullcrap that Best Buy employees have to sit through.

Thursday, August 23, 2007

My lovely lady lamps.

What you gon’ make with all that junk?
All that junk inside your trunk?
I’ma stitch, stitch, stitch, stitch some crap
Get you kitsch drunk off my lamp
My hamp, my hamp, my hamp, my hamp, my hamp
My hamp, my hamp, my hamp, my lovely little lamps (Check it out)

It was bound to happen

Never forget. September 13th 1999

September 13, 1999 was the beggining of the darkest era of humankind. The Moon was hurled out of Earth orbit by a massive explosion in Nuclear Waste Disposal Area 2, where nuclear waste from Earth has been dumped and stored on the dark side of the Moon. The 311 inhabitants of Moonbase Alpha were cut off from Earth, spinning through the cosmos on an unknown trajectory. Contact with the base was severed. The residents of its only base, Alpha, were never heard from again.

Until now.

2,901 days since the moon left orbit we have finally recieved a transmission from Moonbase Alpha.

Here is that final transmission.

Imagine an Earth where history did not write that we pulled back after the Apollo missions to the Moon; that we did not turn giant leaps forward into tiny, hesitant, almost backwards crawling motions. Instead, imagine history wrote that after we took those first few steps, we continued taking more, even bolder leaps, expanding lunar exploration, sending ever-increasing numbers of missions--robotic and human-crewed--into the rest of the solar system.

Disasters only increased our international resolve, especially after a brief but nearly catastophic war that vividly reminded us of the value of life, and prompted unprecedented multi-cultural, international cooperation that sped up humanity's progress into space.

By the year 1999, humanity had invented new and more powerful spaceships (including one type named in honor of the first manned lunar lander--"Eagle"), partially domesticated the forces of artificial gravity, taken up permanent residence on the Moon, and was on the verge of launching the first people beyond the confines of our solar system. We were also dealing with the difficult problem of what to do with massive amounts of nuclear waste. Years before, we had begun storing it in special dumps on the far side of the Moon.

This is where Space: 1999 begins.

As the countdown to the launch of humanity's first extra-solar spaceship continues, a new commander is sent to Moonbase Alpha to deal with a deadly situation threatening the launch; while no one is aware that another, more sinister countdown is already underway, one that is set to reach zero much sooner, and affect far more than the mission. People have been dying on Moonbase Alpha, and the new commander quickly finds the very adminstrator who assigned him to deal with the situation has also been obscuring its severity.

Once it becomes clear that the warning signs point to an overlooked form of chain reaction building up in the nuclear waste dumps, they try to stop it. The futility of their attempts becomes horrifyingly clear in the light of a sudden false dawn of an enormous nuclear explosion, which in its minute-long burn acts as a tremendous engine, propelling the Moon out of the solar system, to begin an incredible--however unexpected and involuntary--journey of discovery. They become castaways on a fast-floating island--a Moon they can rarely control--encountering alien beings and forces, as well as other human or no longer quite-so-human castaways.

The Alphans have only their wits, hope, and limited resources to use as they try to survive in a sometimes friendly, but often indifferent or hostile universe; one that is filled with a bewildering array of aliens ranging from the near-human, to the bizarre or even horrifying, to the virtually incomprehensible. The Alphans are told by one alien that their "odyssey shall know no end" and that they "will prosper and increase in new worlds"; while others tell them they "have no future", and are "a contaminating organism--a fatal virus." Is there any truth to be found?

Almost completely cut off from an Earth which itself is dying, they struggle to find a hospitable planet to settle on; trying to escape their confined, almost sterile moonbase where survival is on a knife's edge. The wearying damage they continue to take--physically, mentally, and emotionally--threatens to drive them to madness or extinction. The survivors increasingly draw together; and they even welcome an intelligent, beautiful, alien shape-shifter orphaned when the Alphans are forced to destroy her world.

The choices they make are often surprising and even shocking. In often perilous times, there are no easy answers. It is often important and even vital to find the right way: the way the Alphans will not only survive, but avoid devolving into some insane, brutal semblance of themselves. There must always be hope.

This, then, is Space: 1999, the story of the strong-willed people of Moonbase Alpha, fighting to survive overwhelming odds in an unpredictable, often dangerous yet beautiful universe, learning about it and themselves--growing in unexpected ways as they struggle to find their place in the universe.

Ye olde intro:

While contractual obligations with Martin Landau (who would later win an Oscar) and Barbara Bain (a then three-time successive Emmy winner) ensuring them a large percentage of screen time left little room for growth and development of the series’ secondary characters—with the notable exception of co-star Barry Morse’s masterful portrayal of Professor Victor Bergman—what many perceive as "wooden" acting is actually superior acting of a caliber and with a subtlety not generally found on weekly television.
Space: 1999’s first season, with few exceptions, is a canvas of subtle performances painted in small moments rather than broad strokes, the stuff of films rather than weekly television, performances that involve the viewer, sometimes forcing him to think and consider the motivations of the characters beneath what might at first appear as ambiguous or restrained actions. Rather than three-dimensional cutouts, these are "real" and complex characters who, just like people in one’s everyday life, aren’t completely obvious, and don’t wear their emotions on their sleeve. It would be nice to see a revised series someday.

The best dvd promo video ever:

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

To all my friends at work... enjoy your morning coffee to this!

But lets face it...
The original is over the top crazy gay. Steve Guttenburg in gilrshorts, Bruce Jenner in 501 cutoffs and a half shirt, and Miss Tessmacher all in one big boiling pot of steaming discofied mansoup.

It is NOT ghosts holding you down!

Sleep paralysis is caused by a timing delay between our brain and body. It leads to an awareness of being awake, yet is accompanied by a frightening inability to move our arms or legs, utter a single word or cry out for help. It may be accompanied by unexplained sights and sounds, or even a feeling that someone else is in the room. Needless to say, it is a frightening condition that gets one’s attention.

While much more common in those under the age of 30, sleep paralysis can occur at any age. It usually shows itself in the dreaming period of sleep known as rapid eye movement, or REM. During this time our muscles (except those involved with breathing or eye movement) are temporarily weakened by signals from the brain that keeps them from moving or otherwise acting out our dreams. If we awaken from REM before this dreaming stage is complete, our brain is on full alert status while our muscular system is still waking up and getting re-activated from its sleepy state. This has the potential to create the panicked feeling of not being able to move or speak at our brain’s command. Even though this seems to last a long time, normal movement and speech usually returns within 10 seconds to several minutes.

While linked to those with the neurological condition known as narcolepsy, sleep paralysis can affect anyone. It is more common in individuals with sleep disorders, small children, shift workers, those who are experiencing increased stress or anxiety, are sleep deprived, lie on their backs, or have a family history of sleep paralysis. It is estimated to affect between 40 percent to 50 percent of people at least once in their lifetimes, and about 1 percent to 2 percent on a regular basis. Clues that you may have sleep paralysis include:

Onset immediately upon awakening or just prior to falling asleep.
Inability to speak or utter a sound until your whole body “wakes up”.
In spite of being conscious, you cannot move your arms or legs for a brief period upon awakening or just prior to falling asleep.
Unexplained fear.
Visual or auditory hallucinations that may be accompanied by unexplained smells.
Sensing an unexplained “presence” in the room.
More common during times of stress.
A “floating” sensation.
A pressure feeling on your chest (this should be reported to your personal physician).
The following steps have the potential to greatly decrease episodes of sleep paralysis:

Establishing and maintaining a regular sleep schedule
Stress reduction techniques
No large meals or caffeinated products within three hours of bedtime
Sleeping on the side and not on your back
Regular exercise
I am concerned because it appears you are experiencing frequent episodes of sleep paralysis. I would encourage you to keep a diary of your symptoms (paralysis, strange sounds or smells, others), as well as how often they occur. It is also important to make an appointment with a physician skilled in the diagnosis and treatment of sleep disorders. The information you provide will be extremely helpful. Additionally, the sleep specialist will most likely order a test known as a polysomnogram. This is a sleep study that records specific activities (skeletal muscle tone, patterns of REM sleep, others) while you are asleep. All this data will be used to determine whether you have a sleep disorder, and if so, what methods (including medication) will be used to alleviate the symptoms.

Skittles frighten me now.

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

Nice footage after a not so nice evening.

Thanks ColScott.

Album title of the year.

Album concept that fails me.

Ventriloquism on an album? Don't you kind of miss an important part of the act? Thats like Viewmasters for people with one glass eye.